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Dirty bites - a recipe for the terminally lazy or hungover

This is so daftly simple, I'm not even sure it could be considered a recipe - more a fortune-cookie-length instruction on how to block your arteries a bit.

So what do you do when you find yourself with some leftover chocolate (yes, it can happen, I swear. Normally in the minutes following Easter and preceding a lengthy chocolate binge) and some pretzels, sultanas and peanut butter in the cupboard. You can see how this is gong to work, right?

You melt the chocolate, crush up the pretzels and add them in, along with the sultanas. Put a layer over the bottom of a cupcake case, drop a teaspoon of peanut butter on top, then add more chocolate-pretzel mixture on top. Wait for the whole lot to set. Or don't - just eat it there and then and get yourself some melty chocolate lipstick.

I wasn't lying when I said it was simple, no? It's just a gussied-up version of the chocolate cornflake cakes that we used to make when we were little, only with more fun bits.

I've named them dirty bites, as they're the sort of thing you might make when you've been out on a big night out and you wake up the next day, glass-fragile, hungry and too terrified of the outside world to venture to the supermarket. You feel dirty, but you need to eat, so you just cook up something from the ingredients you can forage from your kitchen. It's either this or custard and potato waffles, I guess. I'd recommend you go for these.

If I were to improve on the recipe, I'd say soak the sultanas in rum first. Only that would be too much effort, right?

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  1. These sound great! I think it would be nice with caramel in the middle too. Although that would probably take some of the "quick and easy and perfect when hungover" factor out as I haven't found a good store-bought source of vegan caramel, so I guess it would require making some...

  2. That's a pretty enticing picture at the top of the page. It makes my teeth tingle with anticipation just to look at it.

  3. Oh man. So jealous. "Glass-fragile" ha! Not sure if I'm more often lazy or hungover, but I can eat these any day, right?

  4. Love this idea! It has the perfect combination of salty and sweet, crunchy and creamy. Sometimes simple is best!

  5. These look yummy! Any ideas how to make these dairy-free? :/

    1. Hi - they are dairy free! Nothing non vegan on here - the chocolate is dark vegan chocolate, and everything else is vegan by default!

  6. Great idea, love the use of pretzels. Someone bought little chocolate crispy bites to the last Cake Liberation Front meet up and put a layer of Lotus Speculoos spread in them Caitlin which was sort of caramelly.

  7. Quick and dirty is the way to go. Those things look rad, as is sweet, salty, crunchy delicious foodgasm rad! Although I'd probably ditch the raisins for dates...I can only consume rasins if they've been stuffed into a cookie...yes I'm weird like that.

  8. GASP! Brilliant. If I weren't about to leave for vacation and my cupboard weren't bare, I would make these immediately! In fact, my vacation place has a kitchen so maybe I'll make them when I get there since these seem so easy-peasy

  9. These look way too good not to eat really soon!

  10. Can you open an Etsy shop and sell these? I'm on a cooking/baking hiatus and I need these!


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