If that's the case, I go mad in the kitchen fairly regularly.

I buy tempeh every few months, thinking maybe I'll get it this time and each time, I have to throw away the lion's share of a packet thinking "third time round and it's still disgusting".

Vegan cheeses are the same. Every now and again I see a new one and I think, "well, that's new. Maybe it's not rancid like all the other non-dairy cheeses I've every eaten." Yeah, or maybe not. Like every other vegan cheese I've tried, it's grim and it goes straight in the bin. Note to vegan cheese makers: if you can't make anything nice, don't make anything at all.

Celeriac is a similar experience. I buy a metric truckload every winter, delighting in its cheapness and Britishness. Then I make celeriac soup. Then I think, "and what am I going to do with half a celeriac that's been in my fridge for two weeks?"

This is what you do with half a celeriac that's been in your fridge for two weeks.

6oz of celeriac, peeled and grated

One small cooking apple, grated

One celery rib, cut into small pieces

The juice and zest of a quarter of a lemon

A pinch of celery salt

Generous grinding of pepper

Half teaspoon of garlic powder

A teaspoon of mustard

A shake or two of vegan worcestershire sauce

Two teaspoons of capers

Vegan mayo, about two heaped dessertspoons, but you might want more or less to taste

This the kind of recipe I like - here goes: mix all the ingredients up in a bowl.

That's it.